What a Year it has been!

 What an amazing year this has been! I have watched both my children grow and mature this year in ways I couldn't have imagined. I have watched them navigate a life that is often difficult and filled with pain and illness and lean on their faith and persevere. What a gift being their mother is. I thank God daily that he chose me to be their mother and try to guide them during their time on this earth. I am so blessed that I get to watch their determination, courage, and strength. They have made me so much better and taught me more than I could have imagined. The last part of this year was very hard as we lost PopPop and Zoey, but as is our way we have found a way to laugh through the hard days and hold each other up with love as we have each had our days full of tears. Christmas was a quiet, lazy day spent with Mimi and creating more memories. 

I am incredibly grateful for the friends and family who continue to walk this journey alongside us, sharing in our laughter and our tears. May 2024 be all that you have hoped and prayed for!

Ali

So proud

 Alex is officially home for the holidays. What an amazing first semester he had! He grew and matured more than I could have imagined. After spending his first 19 years with me by his side every step, he took on his medical care and independence and week by week I saw him learning to stand on his own two feet and figure things out. As I have mentioned before he had one professor that was very difficult to work with and did not want to help or even follow his accommodations, but her powered through and when all was said and done, he finished the semester with a little over a 3.2 GPA. He had 3 A's, a B and a C to finish off. He also had extra "work" and commitments as part of the Honors program and Stone House. He also made it through with a remarkable attendance record which is no small feat with his level of medical issues. I had conversations leading up to his time where other moms had warned me about multiple hospitalizations due to their kiddos not taking great care of their health. This is a testament to Alex's diligence in his care and his commitment to do well in school. He made amazing friends, connected with his professors and enjoyed every minute of his life on campus. He is happy to be home for a few weeks, but excited to start back in January. This semester left no doubt that DBU was the right choice for him. I am so proud of him for going after his dreams and wanting to make something of his life after all he has been through.

Maddy also is finished for the semester and had straight A's. She loves her school, and the schedule and small class environment is the perfect fit for her. She continues to grow in confidence and independence at the barn and has really matured over the past few months. I say this often, but she is the hardest worker I know. She pushes herself in every instance regardless of if things are hard or she feels bad. Besides the barn she also performed in her winter dance performance. I love to watch her push past her fears and perform. She is surrounded in every instance of her life by strong, faithful women who believe in her and push her to be her best. It is such a gift as her mom!

Last, I wanted to update on Mia. Thank you for everyone who has prayed for her. She had a "sore" on her back end that we first noticed on Thanksgiving. Our vet was pretty concerned when he first saw her. We basically had two possibilities: infection or cancer. We did two weeks of antibiotics and anti-inflammatories and then had a recheck. The swelling and mass were still there on recheck. We made the decision to proceed with a needle biopsy and were pretty concerned about what the results would be. However, I received a call on Friday that the biopsy showed no cancerous cells. What an answer to prayer. We will do two more weeks of antibiotics and then do another recheck. 

Please continue to pray for her healing.

Ali

Blessings and Prayers

 This time of the year is so crazy so this will be short and sweet...

For so many years my heart would break as I watched kids participate in all of the fun activities that are a part of growing up as Alex missed out while sick in the hospital or not able because of his health...imagine not going to camp or having sleepovers or prom or homecoming or graduation. I could go on and on. He missed it all. This first semester of school has been the answer to so many prayers, not the least of which was that I prayed Alex would make amazing friends. Friends who could see past the meds and the ostomy and the tubes and just see Alex for the fun-living amazing young man he is. That prayer has been answered tenfold. This Mom's heart is so full of joy as I receive snippets of the fun he is having and selfies from school. 

My Ms. Moo keeps me on my toes... between school, dance, art, children's choir and the barn we are constantly on the go! She is at an age where I really enjoy my time with her. She is kind, helpful and fun. I love watching her go after what she loves and push through so much pain and feeling bad and anxiety to just live her best life. This week she got to ride a horse she has been asking to ride for several months. She was really happy, and it went so well that we decided to let her ride this horse once a week. I love watching how far she has come in her riding and how well she can read the horses and adapt. She is most herself at the barn with her horses and her people. The "family" we have created see her true personality in a way that few do. I love that she knows she is loved and trusts them enough to just be herself. What a gift! And her connection with the horses is magical. The horses sense how much she loves them, and they appreciate her quiet demeanor and soft touch, and they respond to her in a way that is different. We jokingly call her the horse whisperer, but it isn't far from the truth. As was the case with Alex, while the kid's health issues have caused us to do things a little differently, I am forever grateful that we have been "forced" into a life that demands togetherness and I get to witness all the special moments in my kids' lives. 

Moo taking care of her best girl!

Maddy and Kenny

Moo and Cooper with their World Champion jacket!

While we are choosing to focus on all the blessings in our life, we could use some prayers as well. Maddy is currently sick with a fever. We could also use some prayers as our "old lady" Mia (our yellow lab) was at the vet on Wednesday. She has some stuff going on. We will follow up in a few weeks. We are praying it is just an infection as we can't bear the thought of another loss.

Thank you for being a part of our lives.

Ali

A Whirlwind and Prayer Requests

 I cannot believe it is Thanksgiving Week! I have seen a meme a number of times that said being an adult is believing that things will slow down soon...over and over again. I have never seen a more true statement. 

In true fashion the past few weeks have been crazy!

Alex has been really busy with school. His first semester has been really good, and I can't believe he is a few weeks from completing it! For the most part he has LOVED his first semester. He has one professor who has been difficult since the first day and short of her I would say it has been pretty close to perfect and everything we hoped and dreamed and prayed for! He has grown so much in these first few months. I cannot fathom having never been in a classroom and sitting in a college level course and trying to learn what others have practiced for 13 years! And he is doing it all in the Honors program and with extra requirements from his housing program. He is finding his way and his professors (besides the one) and classmates have been so good at helping him find his footing. He has made amazing, kind friends and has grown in his faith. He initially was annoyed about having to go to chapel three times a week, but it has become his favorite time of the week. He has chapel right after his class with his difficult professor and he has told me he enters chapel so stressed and after a few minutes in chapel he can feel the stress fade away. He has registered for the spring semester. This past weekend was Homecoming and he was chosen by his housemates to ride on the Stone House float in the parade. All in all, he is thriving! But I won't lie he is ready to come home for Christmas and have a few weeks without homework and papers!

Alex in front of the float

Alex and Skip (The Ford Village chef and one of Alex's favorite people)

As for my Maddy Moo, life is always crazy for her! This child keeps me on my toes with her schedule! This has been such a fun time as she is growing up and we spend so much time enjoying our chats and laughs. Maddy continues to work hard in school and despite multiple challenges is a good student. She still dreads any assignment where she has to speak in front of the class but pushes through and is a straight A student. Trinity Prep is the perfect school for her, and she has loving, kind friends and teachers. 

The girls from Maddy's class

The "Triplets" because they are ALWAYS together!

Because Mad's birthday fell the same week of Appaloosa Worlds we postponed her party until this week. She decided she wanted a VERY small party with just a handful of school friends. I asked Joli (Maddy's beloved art and dance teacher) if she would want to do a little party for her. Maddy has told me it was by far her favorite party. She always does best in one on one or small group situations, and this was no different. I loved watching her and her friends laugh and play and enjoy time together!  What could be better than painting, ice cream and acting/dancing with your best friends and fun teacher!

Maddy has continued to have a bit of a rough time medically. We have had quite a few appointments and continue to try and figure out exactly what is going on and how best to help her. Appointments aren't easy when hard things are going on because anxiety is heightened. Maddy had a dentist appointment a few weeks ago and the decision was made that we needed to "help" with some baby teeth that just don't want to fall out. Last week we visited with a pediatric dentist that has the ability to do sedation in his office. We are still not sure if we can go this route. They are a bit concerned about her medical history. The dentist and anesthesiologists are discussing if this can safely be done at the office or if we need to have it done in a hospital setting. Today we have a second visit to the orthodontist to determine when is the right time for braces. Then we will head to Cook Children's for some testing to try and determine the cause of the daily dizziness and lightheadness and fatigue. Maddy continues to be her happiest at the barn. Her connection with her people and horses there is like no other. I love to watch her be "herself" and to watch the care she gives the horses and how they respond to her. PD is still out with an injury so she continues to ride Cooper. She is learning so much with Coop as he is very different. It is so fun as a mom to watch her work hard and do things that used to seem impossible. And little by little we are seeing tiny bits of confidence peak through. If that isn't an answer to prayer, I'm not sure what is!

As we enter into this week of Thanksgiving, I am so incredibly grateful for the friends and family who continue to walk this crazy life with us. The greatest blessing as a mom is to know that your kids are well loved. I cannot say thank you enough to the friends and the mentors who have spent so much time, energy, and love pouring into my children. They always say it takes a village and while that is true of all children, I believe it is heightened when you are dealing with special kids. I watch my kids thriving and growing and I know it is because of the special people God has placed in our lives to walk alongside us. May you all look around you this Thanksgiving and see the blessings that surround you and know you are loved exactly as you are.

Ali

World Champion

 Maddy had an AMAZING horse show this weekend! Many times, after horse shows I don't post the results or talk about where Maddy placed. There are many reasons for this: I don't want to focus on placings, because that is not what matters. I also know that all of the riders work hard, and I never want any other riders or parents to feel bad about their placings. But ultimately, I realized that is a disservice to Maddy. She works her butt off, and she should be acknowledged for her accomplishments. So, bear with me as I share about this incredible weekend. 

Maddy walked away this weekend with three World Championship Titles! 

To understand what this means you have to go back to when she was an infant. Maddy struggled physically from the very beginning. This little girl couldn't crawl until she was 15 months old. She walked with a walker before she could walk independently. For most of her first five years she had physical therapy 3-4 days a week. At one point her therapists told me it was only through sheer will and determination that she was able to become mobile. 

That same determined spirit is what I witness every day. What we don't share often is what this child battles daily. More mornings than not, she wakes up with what she calls "morning legs".  Her legs are so weak and unstable that I have to physically help her get out of bed and to the bathroom. Almost every day she struggles with migraines and knee and ankle pain that are brutal. Often hours after she has first told me she is hurting; she will quietly tell me she is still hurting despite any interventions we have tried. She has dizziness and lightheadness that makes it hard for her to do many tasks that we consider routine. And yet she chooses to quietly push on regardless of how bad she feels. I can't begin to count the number of lessons she will finish a ride and burst into tears and Tammi and I will look at each other trying to figure out what is wrong. When we finally get her to open up, she will tell us that she is hurting so bad, but she never tells us willingly or before her lesson is done because she refuses to quit riding or get off her horse. 

I see that same determination in so many ways at the barn. That tiny little girl who weighs 55 pounds carries her own saddle and halters and bridles her own horse. Not one bit of it has come easy. It has come through hard work and perseverance and sweat and tears. I saw it so clearly yesterday. When Cooper was donated Living Hope, I asked Tammi if Maddy would ride him, and she said maybe one day. She doesn't have enough leg to ride him. Which is horse speak for she is too weak to make him do what he needs too. And in all honesty, she is still too weak. If anything, she has lost some strength over the past few months not gained. But her tenacity and heart and work ethic have taught us that nothing is impossible for this kid. The horses love her and want to do well and so they respond to her in ways that at times is inspirational to watch. 

And I haven't even begun to touch on the fear and anxiety. At 4 years old Maddy started begging me to horseback ride. We started and she LOVED it, but after some unfortunate instances while she still desperately loved it, she was petrified. Her anxiety at times has been debilitating. On the day of Maddy's first lesson with Tammi, Tammi questioned me on if she really wanted to do this, because the fear was so bad. That first lesson and for many after she had a leader and two side walkers. Tammi laid awake so many nights thinking and praying for how to help a little girl find her love of riding again. Tammi made equipment changes, she made horse changes, she had days when she offered a little more love and support and so many days when she had to put aside her desire to comfort a little girl and instead pushed her refusing to let Maddy cave to the anxiety. 

Yesterday started much the same...Maddy was SO nervous to show independently. As Maddy sat on her horse to warm up, Tammi watched her start to fall apart as the fear gripped her. Tammi gave her the choice to show as we prepared or to change classes and go into the supported classes she has always been in previously. Maddy did what she always does and pushed herself to do what she is capable to do. I had no idea what had transpired as I watched my little rider enter the arena looking poised and confident. What everyone there saw a beautiful little rider, who is almost always the smallest and youngest ride a near perfect trail pattern. 

What people don't see is the heart of a warrior with a determination and tenacity that is unmatched. And a coach who is by her side every minute working incredibly hard to help a little girl believe in herself.

Ali